A Girl Called Crazy
by I like to eat
Summary: Meet Bulbul.Clothes enthusiast and talker extraordinaire.Smart,classy and unbelievably sassy.Arguably the most fun person around. Meet Sirius.Ladies' man and professional prankster.Hot,witty and unbelievably haughty.Arguably the most infamous marauder!


'**Nooo!' **

**Okay, calm down. It'll be alright. Yes it will. Focus. You want to turn him back into a person.**

**Although he always did rather resemble a frog. Strange how I didn't notice before. Love really does make you blind. Except I didn't love him. I think my eyes are getting weaker by the day. Note to self: Must start wearing my spectacles… Stop! Now is not the time, Bulbul. Turn the frog back into a human and fuzz his memory. What was the spell? Ugh. It isn't abracadabra for sure. I guess I can strike that one out. **

**Before you can make judgments, it isn't my fault anyway. Humph. If he hadn't provoked me, none of this would have happened. Stupid irksome ex. I didn't even want to talk to him. But he just had to come and confront me. Say stupid things. He'd been following me around since quite a lot of days. I don't know what his problem was. He wanted to break up. Not me. Just because I dint dissolve into a puddle of sad goop at his feet, he isn't satisfied. And okay fine, I **_**might **_**have triggered things by saying I wouldn't ever even consider having sex with him because that results in kids. And if I ever have kids, which I won't, I wouldn't want to accurse the little buggers with his baboon butt like face. It wasn't **_**that **_**offensive. So. We broke up. People break up all the time. Not like he was a gentleman about it either. Said crap. Whatever. After it all ended, I couldn't figure out for the life of me, why I liked him in the first place. Which brought us to the current situation. Him being a frog and all.**

**You see, there is one thing. I'm a witch. And well, he is a muggle. The thing is I'm not quite good with the wand work. Sometimes I sort of spaz out and can't control the magic. Again, not my fault. I go to a muggle school. And I'm homeschooled for magic. It is difficult juggling two things at a time. Which is why I cannot remember the spell to turn him back. It'd do him good to stay that way. Humph.**

**Ooooh! Gauri! She would know. I'll call her.**

'**Hello, it's me.'**

'**I got that much. What is it? I'm in the middle of something here.' Gauri snaps. She's not one for manners. It's all right with being a genius and all but sometimes I can't stand her. I mean would it kill her to be polite?**

'**I've got a code red situation here.' I whisper. It would be awesome if I had black goggles and a mask and a whole cat suit! Then we could jump around like secret agents! It would be so cool! Except for the cat suit. Don't want ze fat to be highlighted like that. Gauri wouldn't be game anyway. She'd say it was a stupid idea. Sigh. She's no fun.**

'**What now? I am not coming just to find out you want to stalk another one of your crushes. And no. No secret agent outfit.'**

'**Haw. I didn't even ask for a secret agent outfit. Since I know you're no fun whatsoever. And it's not that. It is much more important.'**

'**Will you tell me already?'**

'**Uh, you see, The Frog started following me around today. Sort of irritating me. And saying I'm not over his ugly ass. And I got angry…'**

'**And?'**

'**.'**

'**What? Speak slower.'**

'**I don't know what happened but he turned into a frog. And I don't know how to change him back', I wailed.**

'**YOU WHAT! This is exactly why I tell you to concentrate on your wand work. Now bring him to my place. I'm at the back.'**

'**You won't tell mummy, will you? Please don't.' I said in a small voice.**

'**I won't.'**

'**Okay! Now since that's settled. How do I get him there? I don't want to touch it. I mean it's a frog. Yucky, much? It's starting to jump around now. Twitching his limbs and all. You think he's planning to get away?'**

'**Take out your wand. Conjure a box. Levitate him into the box. You think you can manage that?'**

'**Yes, I can. I could do with a little faith you know.' I replied peevishly. But she'd already cut the phone. See? Not so good with the manners. Okay, froggy doodle. Let's get this show on the road. I enlarged the Hubba- Bubba box of chewing gum that I had and levitated him into it. I also cast a disillusionment charm on myself and the box so as to avoid suspicious stares. I am so smart! Really, I should get an award or something. Then the box, myself and I set off at a quick trot to Gauri's. Not the foxtrot! I'm in quite a joke-y mood today! It's such a wonderful day! Must stop exclaiming. It makes me sound as if I'm perpetually high. On drugs. Not a parachute, silly! *snigger***

**You must be wondering why I was walking when I could easily apparate, being a witch and all. It's healthier. And I'm on a mission to get rid of my baby fat. And no, I'm not fat. Just plump, thank you very much. Gauri's house loomed in sight. It's a nice expression. **

'**Hello! I'm here!' I also gave a huge smile since I am pleasant.**

'**Verr nice.'**

'**SO! What will you do? Should I help? Do you have chocolates? I'm kind of hungry. Can you manage on your own? I'll just be off then…'**

'**STOP. You're going nowhere, missy.' She also did the scary eye narrowing thing. And oh, alright. She dint really 'say' missy. **

'**When will you learn? You have any idea how much trouble this could get you into? And no, not with your mum. With the Ministry.'**

'**Haha. Funny. Stop trying to scare me, yeah?'**

'**I'm bloody serious. You're not 17 yet, bulbul. You're just a month over sixteen. As am I. You still have The Trace, non? If the lazy bum at the Ministry was paying attention, this little 'discrepancy' of yours might have already been registered.'**

'**So there is a chance it might not have, right?'**

'**Aaarggh! Were you even listening?'**

'**Yes, I was. Change him back then, quick! We don't have time. Do your stuff. And if they do land up here after that, we can just look at a tree and whistle.'**

'**This is not a cartoon!' The vein in her head was throbbing now. I personally couldn't understand why she was getting so upset.**

'**Lecture me later, yes? Please fix this now.'**

'**You're going to kill me one day.' Thankfully she calmed down and set to work waving her wand about and muttering incantations. She made it look so simple. I knew it wasn't. The frog was turning human again. The process was disgusting to watch. And I'm being polite. **

'**Your wand.'**

'**I don't have one! Hyuk hyuk! I'm a g-i-r-l!' and I started laughing hysterically. For about two seconds. Because she quelled the laughter with a look. One of her many looks. They always mean something dangerous. So I handed over the wand. She used my wand to freeze him and hers to mutter some hogwash. Then she un-freezed him. You have to see her in action. It is quite impressive. Not that action!**

'**Lead him out, will you?' He was still in a daze. So I did. Lead him out. **

'**Thank you. Really. Well, I'll be off!'**

'**Yeah yeah.'**

*******

**Everything was going perfectly fine. The family and I were enjoying a quiet evening in. The mother and the masi (aunt) were squabbling. The sister was busy playing games on the computer. Joey (our golden retriever) was busy trying to lick Rummy's (our black Labrador) bum. Rummy wasn't having any of it. I was watching it all with cool disinterest and smoking a cigar. Okay fine. I wasn't. I was trying to lick my elbow. It is equally cool. Anyway, smoke makes me sick. And it just had to happen. I mean it was so predictable.**

**A messenger from the Ministry decided to call on us. Pappu his name was. The guilty conscious of mine kicked in and I screamed whilst pointing at the sister (who's name is Twinkle), 'what did you go and do now?!'**

**This prompted mummy to ask me what I had done now. This prompted 'Pappu' to totally rat me out. Stupid intern. I was been given so many pointed looks. It really wasn't fair. He made it sound like I'd murdered someone. **

'… **Ma'am the Ministry is only concerned because this is the fourth incident this month. And it's just the 12****th****. You understand our concerns surely?'**

'**Of course I do. I assure you, I am going to take action now. You won't have any reason to complain.'**

'**Thank you, ma'am. Mr. Patel also asked me to convey his best to you. He said you looked stunning as ever in the photo feature.'**

**Embarrassed silence on my mum's part ensued. Masi was turning purple with the effort of not laughing. You see, the minister (Mr. Patel) has had a bit of a crush on my mummy since forever. It's quite amusing! Part of the reason why I've gotten away with so many indiscretions. The intern disapparated, thankfully. Masi broke out in hysterics and my mum breathed a sigh of relief. I was trying to scuttle away unnoticed but the mother had to call out just as I was about to get away.**

'**Why dint you tell me earlier, bulbul? Why do you have to go to Gauri every time? She's a kid too, you know. You'll get her into trouble too.'**

'**But I really dint mean for it to happen mum. It just did. You know that. I really try not to.'**

'**Doesn't look like you try hard enough. These little 'incidents' of yours are fast increasing in number. Frankly, I don't think I can keep making excuses for you.' Her tone was positively acidic.**

'**This is India, mum. Nobody cares if you do a bit of unwarranted magic in front of muggles.'**

'**And who told you that? You know what the wizard to muggle ratio is nowadays? They can't co-exist with us unless they're oblivious to the magic. Have you got any idea about how much risk you're putting the whole magical community at? You know the mob mentality that exists here. Do you want a repeat episode of the 18****th**** and 19****th**** century? Do you want to start a witch hunt? Nobody is immune to fire. I am SICK of your supposed little mistakes. It is a chore raising you up.' Ooh. That stung. And was so unnecessary.**

'**Don't be so harsh. She's just a kid. She'll learn, wont you Bulbul?' Masi tried to intervene for me. I nodded my head vigorously. **

'**No Indra. She isn't a kid anymore. She's turned sixteen. In another year she'll be an adult in the wizarding world. It's high time she learnt some responsibility. I think you know what we should do.'**

'**Mum, don't get so hyper. Now you're just being mean on purpose.'**

'**WHY don't you try and work harder? I don't want to lose my cool like this. You know you're different. The magic runs stronger. It is difficult to control. But it won't be that hard if you made an honest effort.'**

'**Then why doesn't Twinkle have a problem?'**

'**Because she always knew that she wanted to work in the magical world. She dint have to work hard in Muggle School. And you're doing that too. Which is good! But it doesn't leave you with enough time to focus on magic, does it?'**

'**No.'**

'**Which is why I think that you should be sent to Hogwarts? Just for a year. So that you can learn to control it. You'll do so well, I just know it.'**

'**Isn't that in UK?'**

'**Uh, yes it is.'**

'**So you're saying you want to send me to UK. All alone. Is that right?'**

'**Don't say it like that. It's not like I want you to go. I just know it'll be best for you. And lots of people go. You'll make new friends, visit new places, gain more experience!'**

'**You want to send me to a foreign land, all alone, where I know no one, so that I stop creating more trouble? So that there is one less 'chore' for you to do? Less mess for you to clean up? Is that it? How do you think I'll survive there? How will I stay away from home? Are you shunning me out?' My voice was rising by the second. My throat was catching and my eyes were tearing. I knew I was overreacting but I couldn't see sense. I'd never been away from my family for more than 3 days. Let alone living separately. I couldn't even imagine going off to live in a separate sector and here they were talking about separate continents. Mama was still speaking but I'd stopped listening. I just whirled around and ran upstairs to my room. Locking it for good measure. I wasn't worried about anyone apparating into my room. Mama and Masi had put very strong, non – reversible, anti – apparating charms on all the bedrooms and bathrooms when they were hormonal teenagers. I put a Silencio charm too since I knew they would start making a racket outside soon. I really wasn't in a mood to talk or listen. I just wanted to sleep.**

*******

**I had a very weird dream. It started out with Gauri and me laughing over something whilst eating chocolate chip cookies. Then mum materialized out of nowhere and started scolding me for eating so many cookies even though I was carrying around so much extra weight. She took the plate of cookies away and I started crying. Then a pair of Christian Loubotins came tick tocketing up to me and told me it would all be okay. Hogwarts won't be so bad. That's when I woke up with a dull headache and a tear stained face. **

**There was a reason I dreaded going away from home so much. Yes, I would miss the family. But another major part was leaving India. I dint want to do it. I couldn't do it. You know, a lot is said about India. The poverty, the hunger, the filth. But it's like they just focus on the bad points. It's not all that. I don't think there is as much color and warmth and love in the entire world as there is in India. And there isn't as much food and spice and life elsewhere either.**

**Oh well. Maybe it won't be that bad. The shoes said so. Maybe mum changed her mind. Or not. Oh god. Need Gauri.**

**Getting up to find the phone, I simultaneously removed the Silencio. Now I'm all for being tolerant and I never butt into other people's business but did the bloody birds have to chirrup so loudly? Compounding my headache. Still, I soldiered on, searching through the mess for the elusive phone. This is exactly why I hate a mess. Place special emphasis on hate. You'd ask then why my room was always in a mess. Answer is that I hate moving my big butt around more than I hate a mess.**

**Chirp chirp bloody chirpy chirp.**

'**Will you bloody birds shut the fuck up?' I roared, turning to face the window.**

'**My, my. High on the curses, aren't we? I think I'm the one who should be high on the curses considering I've been waiting out here on a bloody broomstick for the past hour and a half and you've been sleeping away to glory.' **

**It was Gauri. Who else would it be?**

'**You haven't been waiting. You've been 'hanging'! Geddit? Snort!'**

**She rolled her eyes at me. My attempt at humor being so rudely dismissed put me in a cranky mood again. **

'**Whatever. You could have come in through the door, you know.'**

'**No one would bet on you opening the door today fatty. Seeing how rational minded you are at best. Anyway, aunty called. So I know you're upset. So here are cookies.'**

'**I love you, you know?' I said, tearing up. 'I mean you brought cookies? I so need cookies!'**

'**Of course. That's why I came. To deliver cookies.'**

'**Oh. You came for something else? Don't tell me you came to say goodbye. I'm not going. Don't make me upset all over again.'**

'**Hey listen, you know she's only doing this for your benefit, right?'**

'**Yeah right. Benefit shenefit. Shmuck puck.'**

'**She is and you know it. At least talk to her. She's very worried. Get up now. And no, I'm not going anywhere till you talk to her.'**

'**Well, I suppose I did overreact a teensy weensy bit last night. I mean she's mummy. Obviously she means me no harm. And there is always a chance that she changed her mind, non?'**

'**Exactly, fatty.'**

'**Hmm. No harm in talking then. You must be a fatty.'**

'**Ha! Yeah. I'm a fatty! Right.'**

'**Oh, shut up. I'm going.'**

'**Right behind you fat ass.'**

**Cookies will put anyone in a good mood. I swear it. Also, I do wake up most mornings in a very good mood. It's difficult to stay sad. Don't know why. We made our way downstairs to the kitchen and I hesitantly walked in, a little embarrassed after creating such a scene the previous night.**

'**Morning, mum.'**

'**Good morning aunty!' Gauri and mama had long since formed a mutual admiration society. They always looked so ruddy pleased to see each other. Which was every day every day. Twice, thrice a day.**

**Mama greeted us with a tentative good morning. Gauri busied herself finding something to eat. Mum busied herself looking at her hands. I looked expectantly for an instant withdrawal of yesterday's obviously hasty announcement.**

'**Listen Bulbul, I dint quite mean it to come out that way. I just know it'll be good for you. You know we can't keep having repeat incidents of you accidentally turning someone into a tomato or setting the neighbor on fire.'**

'**You mean to say you haven't changed your mind?' This wasn't upsetting me as much as it should have been. Why was I so calm? Ah. The cookies. I'm sure she must have slipped one of her potions into them to calm me or something. The little rat.**

'**Did you put anything in the cookies, Gauri?'**

'**I sure did!' She called back cheerily.**

'**Okay. You wait till it wears off. I will be so angry and you will be so sorry.' All this was delivered in such a calm monotone that even I found it hard to believe it was coming from my mouth. 'I'm sorry mama. But I really don't want to go.'**

'**But I've already made arrangements. And it's the right thing. It won't be as bad as you're imagining, I promise you!'**

'**How will I stay there so far away from home? I'd miss you. And Twinkle and masi and rummy and everyone else, mum.'**

'**And you think I won't miss you? I'd never send you anywhere if I dint think it was for your good.'**

'**I so hate this stupid potion. It's making what you're saying sound sensible. I really hate you, Gauri.'**

'**Oh, I thank her. I couldn't handle you all on my own!' Then mum and she proceeded to laugh over what trouble I was. Ha dee ha.**

'**I hate being so calm.'**

'**I think you won't find the prospect so bad when I tell you what I'm going to tell you.'**

'**And what's that?'**

'**Gauri is going with you! I talked to her parents and it's all settled. So you see? You won't be alone. They don't mind because they won't be home much this year. Some auror task.'**

'**It is so exciting! Just think of the facilities they have there, fatty! And plus. Quidditch! Very cool, if you ask me!'**

'**Oh.'**

'**So are you considering Hogwarts?'**

'**Yes. But I'm sure it's this vile potion talking. I'll miss you terribly mum.'**

**Mummy proceeded to get all teary and I got all teary and then mum proclaimed what a god sent wonder Gauri was and I tried to get irritated but the ruddy potion just made me all calm. I acted like a normal, rational person. And I dint like it one bit. Grrr.**

*******


End file.
